


Never Let Me Go

by Anonymous



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Post-Break Up, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:54:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9861272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Even breaks Isak's heart when he graduates by breaking up with him when he goes to university abroad, thinking it would be easier for the both of them not to go through a long distance relationship.Three years later, he returns to Oslo for the holidays and chances upon Isak in a coffee shop. They reconnect over a drink but Isak seems different. More insecure than he used to be. Scared.This is a fic where Isak needs help, Even wants to give it and there's just a lot more in the way of their happiness than ex-girlfriends and mental illness, this time around. This is a fic where Even should have probably never gone to England and Isak should have definitely never trusted someone who made him doubt himself.* written for the skam kink fest





	1. Back in Oslo?

**Author's Note:**

> You can find the prompt (as well as others) here: http://skam-kink.livejournal.com/580.html#comments

The first time Even saw Isak again was in a caf é off the block where they used to go to school together and, against all odds, happened to be the same cafe they’d broken up at, just three years before. They hadn’t broken up for any reason Even had expected they would; no, the manic episode that always ended in stress and tears had been replaced with Even leaving for university in England. But it’d ended just the same, hadn’t it?

Isak had said they could make the long distance relationship work. Even hadn’t. 

And that had been it. He’d left a week or so later, checking his phone to see if Isak would call him or even just send him a text message. But he didn’t and so when his mum had checked to see that he would be okay with going abroad, he’d nodded with tears welling in his eyes, then gotten on the plane.

But now there he was, back in Oslo and staring at Isak from where he stood, just by the doors of the café. He might have never moved at all if a group of girls hadn’t suddenly streamed in, budging him and making him step to the side. Then, once they’d passed, he took a deep breath and made his way over to him by the counter.

He stopped just short of the younger man, eyes running over him just to make sure it was him. As if it wasn’t; he would know Isak from anywhere. Knew his soft, chestnut blond hair from where he’d run his fingers through it a lifetime ago, knew his shoulders from where they’d dug into his chest at night when he’d pulled him close to hold him in an embrace and most tellingly, knew his sweet, warm voice as he ordered a drink, ducking his head and pointedly staring at his hands, pale and frostbitten as ever.

“Isak?” he went, raising his eyebrows in anticipation. Only, Isak didn’t turn around. He just froze in place, blinking fast and breathing heavily. Even was about to say something else when Isak finally looked at him, hazel eyes wide and searching. Soon, however, his gaze dropped again.

“Even,” he mumbled, as if saying it aloud would make it anymore true or perhaps, untrue. Then, obviously sensing Even’s discomfort, he forced himself to make eye contact with a smile, as small as it was fake. “Hi,” he said. “Back in Oslo?”

 

\-----

 

“How long have you been back?” Isak asked, resting his cheek on his hand as he lazily stirred his coffee with the other. He wore a grey beanie, covering most of his curls, and a green hoodie that hung off him slightly. He’d lost weight.

Even shrugged. “A couple of days. I’m only here for the holidays,” he told him, noticing the way Isak winced at that. Like he was thinking,  _ why didn’t he visit me in Oslo before, then?  _ So, he backtracked. “I’m just here to see my family. You know how uni is.”

Isak blinked. “I don’t go to uni,” he said.

“Huh?” Even went, surprised. “I know you’re younger than me, Isak, but unless I was dating a fifteen year old, you should be out of high school by now,” he said, giving him a bemused smile that Isak didn’t return. 

For a few minutes, there was silence, until Isak took a deep breath and answered him. “I decided not to go, so…” he trailed off, shaking his head slightly. “I don’t need to, anyway.”

Even stared at him. In the months that he’d dated him, he’d known all about how smart Isak was. How he was top of the class in most subjects, especially in science and maths. He never thought that he wouldn’t go to university - one of the best in the country, at that - but there he was, sitting there and telling him he wasn’t. 

“I, um,” Isak began, obviously uncomfortable under Even’s intense gaze. “It’s not a big deal. I have an apartment and stuff.”

“You have a job?” Even guessed, trying to work out what he would be. 

Isak wrinkled his nose. “No,” he said. “My boyfriend does.”

Even didn’t expect to feel crushed at that, but he did. He couldn’t help it; it was impossible to see your ex-boyfriend and not have some part of you long for it all to go back to the way it used to be. “Oh,” he said. “Is he…?”

He wasn’t sure what he was asking but Isak seemed like he did. “He’s great,” he told him, more expressive than he’d been since they sat down. “Like, he’s really funny. And nice.”

Even smiled slightly. At least, Isak was happy. “And his name is?”

“Andreas,” Isak responded and then, just like that, something crossed his features. Doubt or, perhaps, fear. He bit his lip, as if he’d said too much, and looked out of the window.

“Shit name,” Even said, hoping to steal a laugh from him, but there was nothing.

Isak kept stirring his coffee until it went cold.

 

\-----

 

Even noticed, as he walked Isak back to his house, that he flinched whenever their shoulders knocked together or there was a sudden loud noise, such as traffic lights or a dog barking. He didn’t say anything about it, out of confusion or worry he didn’t know. Isak had just changed a lot since they’d split and maybe that was to be expected; he hadn’t been there for any of it.

Isak kept sliding him shy, fleeting glances until eventually Even laughed and broke the silence. “What?”

“You don’t have an accent,” Isak commented and when Even’s bemused smile widened, looked down. “Just, like, since you were in England for so long….”

“There was actually this other Norweigan guy there,” Even told him. “So, that helped.”

“Did you talk to him a lot?” Isak asked and then, as if realising he didn’t know much about Even’s time at university, continued with, “And other people, I mean?”

“Yeah,” Even reassured him. “I miss them already.”

Isak shrugged. “You’ll be going back soon, though.”

“Yeah,” Even said again, surprised at his impassiveness to it. “But, you know, I told James I’d enjoy it while I’m here.” He smiled. “You never really know how beautiful something is until you leave it.”

_ Like how I left you. _

Isak snorted. “Corny,” he told him, only to frown suddenly. “James? Is he your boyfriend or -”

“Roommate,” Even interjected hurriedly, for whatever reason. “I’m not… not with anyone right now.” 

“Maybe…” Isak started, then hesitated. It was almost as if he was afraid just to make a joke. “Maybe that’s because your English is shitty,” he said, giving him a small smile.

At that, Even laughed louder than he usually would have had.

 

\-----

 

“Um, I live here,” Isak said, taking a deep breath. Still, Even looked around with his eyebrows raised. They were standing on the pavement in front of no house in particular. Realising that, Isak took a step back, shooting a look towards a house on the corner of the road. “Just there,” he said, quieter.

Even nodded, taking the hint. Isak obviously didn’t want him to hang around; he probably just wanted to get home to where his boyfriend was. He felt a pang of jealousy in his stomach from that realisation and swallowed hard.

“Okay. You still have my number?” he checked, hoping that this wouldn’t be the last encounter they would have. There was something about Isak that was irresistible and that kept him coming back time and time again, the same thing that had had him calling up Isak at all hours in the morning back at university, drunkenly sobbing out his apologies. Soon, Isak had stopped picking up his calls.

Isak sighed. “No, I don’t. I got a new phone, so,” he replied, cheeks colouring when he realised what that meant. He hadn’t bothered keeping Even’s number, either.

Even forced himself to smile. “It’s okay. I’ll just read it out, yeah?” he suggested and ten minutes later, he was giving him a wave goodbye - a hug had seemed strangely too intimate - and heading off.

And was only when he got back to his parent’s house that he remembered something.

Isak had said he lived in an apartment, not a house.


	2. Because you belong to me, don't you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers: strong references to physical abuse, gaslighting, manipulation and possessiveness

By the time Andreas walked through the door, Isak had already done a quick, whirlwind clean of the house and his own appearance. Though, he’d been so long coming that Isak had done those things and then some, including tidying up their bedroom which was usually a mess of clothes, tossed-aside condoms and the odd box from a takeaway Isak had ordered, not one for going out in recent years. When he came across an old strip of photographs from the time they’d happily mucked about in a photo booth, his gaze lingered a little too long before he scrunched it up and threw it away.

Thrumming his fingers on his thigh, Isak waited for Andreas to come into the front room. He never liked Isak coming to the door to greet him, he said he didn’t need to be overwhelmed right away by Isak after a long day at work. So Isak just sat there on the couch, just as he’d done every afternoon for a long, long time.

“...you tidy up at all?” Andreas questioned as he stuck his head through the door, disgruntled. “It’s a mess.”

Isak’s cheeks coloured with indignation but he kept his mouth shut all the same, nodding once because fair enough, he could have done more. _Should_ have done more. He swallowed hard, eyes running over the other boy.

Andreas rolled his eyes. “Are you going to talk or what?”

That was a thing he liked to do. Tell Isak to do something, then have a go at him when he did. Still, it was Isak’s fault for not reading the signs, his body language.

“Hi,” he breathed out, getting up and crossing over to him. When he didn’t sense any further aggression, he wrapped his arms around Andreas’ neck, ducking his head into his chest. “I missed you,” he said quietly, which was true. Andreas scared the fuck out of him sometimes. Made him cry and made him panic. But it was okay, because he loved him more than life itself.

“Mmm?” Andreas hummed indifferently. “What have you been doing today?”

At that, Isak stiffened. Andreas would _kill_ him if he knew that he’d had a drink with his ex-boyfriend, he knew it. But quickly, knowing Andreas would notice, he relaxed with a sigh. “I met an old friend of mine,” he told him, not entirely expecting it when Andreas’ hand, splayed across the small of his back, pressed harder, tighter.

“Jonas?” Andreas guessed and when Isak said nothing, caught his chin with his free hand, forcing him to look at him. His nails dug into his jaw. “Is that who?”

“No,” Isak winced. “It wasn’t him, I swear. I wouldn’t…” His gaze dropped, unable to meet Andreas’ eyes for any longer. “It was someone I knew from Nissen but, um, they’ve been away for awhile…”

“Yeah?” Andreas pressed, letting him go. “Man or woman?”

Of course, he would ask something like that.

“It was a guy,” Isak said truthfully. “But he’s not - not a threat. He doesn’t swing that way.”

But just the fact that the person he’d met with was male seemed to do it for Andreas because one minute they were standing in the middle of the room, and the next Isak was being pressed up against the wall. Andreas caught his hands in his own, searching his face for any mistruth. “Are you sure?”

Isak nodded. “Sure,” he mumbled, making sure to look up at him at least once. And God, he hated it when he made Andreas mad at him. It seemed to happen all of the time, lately. They’d just be laughing about and then, so suddenly, Andreas would change. He’d stare more, touch Isak more and care more about everything he had to say for himself. Sometimes, his face would go as red as his hair, which was as comical as it was terrifying.

“But that’s not the problem, baby,” Andreas said slowly. “Is it now?” he asked. “I mean, is it not you I have to worry about, flirting with other men? You weren’t acting like a slut with him?”

He was referring, of course, to an incident a few weeks back where some stranger on the street called him names such as that while he was with Andreas. It was because he'd looked at him for too long, Andreas decided, giving him bruises on the backs of his thighs to show for it.

But Isak hated that word. It was an insult for a girl who slept around, not a boy with a dick and a sense of loyalty. He wasn't like that. Only, it was hard to hold onto that thought when Andreas was so sure that he was. Told him that all the time, too.

He shook his head.

Andreas breathed out. “That’s right,” he murmured, close enough that Isak could count every freckle dashed across his nose and cheeks. “Because you belong to me, don't you?"

Isak just stared back, not answering because it wasn't really a question. But he must have done something wrong there because then Andreas slid a hand into the back of his hair and tugged hard enough to cause tears to well in his eyes, head tipping back from the force of it.

Isak swallowed thickly, closing his eyes as Andreas soon paid attention to his exposed neck, softly kissing down it in a way that just wasn't him. And when Andreas grabbed his hips, then his arse, he bit down on his bottom lip to prevent any sounds from escaping.

It would be over soon, anyway.

 

\-----

 

After sex, Isak often liked to lie down, staring at the ceiling, so he could think about just how he got to that point. Inspect all of the bruises covering his body. Feel a bit sorry for himself. He would only rise from his bed when called.

Such as by someone on his phone, for example.

Quickly, he sat up, looking around until he found his jeans on the floor, discarded next to the couch where they’d just fucked. Soon, he’d grabbed his phone and answered the call, lifting it to his ear with a tentative, “Hello?”

"Hey," came Even's voice, gentle and familiar in a way that made Isak's head hurt. "It was nice seeing you today."

"It was," Isak agreed, glancing towards the door as if Andreas would burst back through it any second, which he might have, actually. He’d only left to get food for the two of them; he wasn’t big on cuddling after sex. . When there was just silence on the other end of the line, Isak tried to hurry it along with an, "Um, was there a specific reason you called or?"

“Oh, I just wanted to know if you’re free on Friday,” Even said breezily. “I’ll be back for a month so it’s fine if you can’t -”

“Yeah,” Isak interjected quickly. “It sounds nice. I’ll just have to ask Andreas but, um…”

“Does he have you on a leash or something?” Even asked with laugher in his voice. Isak only cracked a small smile at that.

“No, we just might have plans or something,” he reassured him which was a blatant lie. He _never_ had plans with Andreas because they never did anything together, unless a lot of sex counted as a couple activity, which it did, to be fair. The real reason that he had to ask Andreas was because if he didn’t, then Andreas would take that as Isak making friends on his own. Friends Andreas hadn’t yet met and approved.

Not that he’d ever actually approved of any of them.

“Okay, I get it,” Even said. “Just text me and we’ll go for lunch or something. Catch up more.”

Isak wasn’t lying when he said it sounded nice because it really did. He’d missed Even in all of the time they’d been apart, even when he’d met Andreas and the heartbreak eased with new love. He’d missed Even for the lazy days spent kissing and cuddling and, even, missed Even for the days he watched over him, stroking Even’s hair as the older boy slept, deep in his depression. He’d missed Even, end of.

And now that he had the chance to talk to him again, if only for a little while, he was more than ready to take it.

If Andreas let him, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to thank you all for the feedback, I really appreciate it. There were also some questions asked that I will answer below:
> 
> _1) How long are you planning on making this fic?_
> 
> I'd say around 30 - 50 chapters. It will be very slow burn, indeed.
> 
> _2) What POVs will we get?_
> 
> Just Even and Isak's.
> 
> _3) Will this fic be triggering for abuse victims?_
> 
> I can't say for sure. As a victim of physical and emotional abuse, I myself don't find fiction about it triggering. But it differs from person to person. So, I will just leave trigger warnings each chapter and say that this fic, whilst not always explicit in its scenes of abuse, will contain a lot of it. 
> 
> Alright, that's me done. Once again, thank you for the feedback and support.


	3. And I know a place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings; references to bipolar & medication

Even couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something wrong with Isak. Only, it wasn’t just a feeling - it was  _ knowledge _ . And all he could do was beat himself up over it. Because something - or someone - had happened to Isak while he was in England. He should have been there for him just as Isak had been there for him, time and time again.

The thing was, he had never stopped loving Isak. He’d never not dragged out a memory of them together during his worst lows, torturing himself with what he’d lost. Isak had made him happy and hopeful in a way that no one else had. But he guessed that was the reason he left him; he’d been scared of getting used to that easy, fulfilling love when he was so sure that Isak would leave him at some point and then the more time they spent together, the more it would hurt. 

That idea turned out to be bullshit, he soon realised, because he couldn’t imagine a greater pain than what he felt when he was unpacking his stuff at university and found one of Isak’s hoodies. He’d clutched it to himself and cried on and off after that, even missing the first day of university in his misery. James had nearly requested to be put in a different dorm.

But it was all said and done now. He couldn’t take back anything. All he could do was try not to make the same mistakes, this time around. 

And that meant finding out what the fuck was wrong with his ex-boyfriend, who was walking up to him now, dangling his earphones from one hand and offering him a small smile. “Hi,” Isak said breezily and Even wondered if he’d only imagined the way he’ d been before.

“Hey,” he returned, smiling, and all of a sudden, he felt the need to hug him. After all, it’d been three years without any kind of contact such as that. He wanted to gather him up in his arms, rest his chin on the top of Isak’s head just as he always used to, play with his hair a bit… Well, that was going too far.

But when he stepped forward, Isak’s eyes widened and he took a step back. It hadn’t been a subtle, polite movement, either; it was more like he’d jerked his body backwards as if Even had been about to hit him or something. 

For a while, they just stared at each other. Tentative.

Then, “Should we go?”

Isak nodded.

 

\-----

 

“... can you not remind me about that?” Isak demanded, cheeks bright red. “I still have nightmares.”

Even only grinned. “Nightmares? Don’t you mean wet dreams?” he guessed and, as expected, Isak shrieked. It was to be expected; they were talking about the time they’d gotten on a bus and some old, perverse woman had taken to sitting as close to Isak as she could, asking him about school and other things. Even had nearly cried from laughter afterwards.

“Fuck off, Even,” Isak groaned once he’d calmed down enough, shaking his head. “I’m fucking scarred, man. Literally. I think I still have an imprint from he -  _ it’s  _ hand on my thigh, holy shit.”

“Is that right?” Even chuckled. “Ah, makes sense, you were always a delicate flower. Bruised easily,” he joked only for Isak’s smile to fall. “What?”

Isak blinked. “No, nothing,” he said quickly but the moment was lost. It had been like that all afternoon; whenever they’d gotten too far into their familiar, easy banter, Isak would just shut off for a bit. It made Even feel like he had to walk on eggshells or something, even though he still didn’t know what was going on with the younger man.

But Even wasn’t prepared for it to be quiet again so he shook his head, smiled a little, and went, “How comes you didn’t go to university, then?”   


“What?” Isak asked, even though he’d heard him clearly.

“You. University. Why didn’t you go?” Even repeated, coming to a stop. “You were smart, Isak. _ Are  _ smart.”

Isak shrugged. “Maybe,” he said, suddenly more interested in looking at his feet. “Just, it didn’t seem worth it.”

“Why not?” Even immediately asked. “You wanted to go before.” 

Isak sucked in a deep breath. “Yeah, well, the thing with Andreas is that...” He tilted his head, giving him a shy look. “He’d rather I stay at home and study, you know. Not worry about that stuff. Like, since my mum died and -”

“Your mum died?” Even interjected, stricken. As far as he’d known, she was still alive.

Isak nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah. Two years ago now,” he said and then, sighed. “But I’m dealing with it. And, uh, like I was saying, Andreas takes care of everything.” He motioned to himself generally. “Of me.”

And suddenly, Even gained a much better understanding of what Isak’s situation was. He hadn’t cracked it all yet and for some reason, he didn’t even  _ want _ to.  The full picture felt unachievable, inconceivable. Felt like something that would hurt him to find out. But Isak had been hurt himself after he’d left and then, after the death of his mother, even more so. On one hand, Even felt  _ gratitude _ to the guy who had been there for him from that point on. Who took care of him when life was too much.

On the other, Even still felt like there was more to it. To the way Isak flinched when someone tried to touch him and to the way he avoided eye contact. Something that was all in this full picture that Even felt so uneasy about, yet felt an obligation to uncover. 

Or maybe the dosage they’d put him on in London wasn’t right again.

Running his eyes over the blond, he allowed a smirk to take residence on his lips. “Got yourself a sugar daddy, huh?” he guessed, tongue-in-cheek.

And at that, Isak’s face split into a grin. “Shut up,” he told him, rolling his eyes. He wrinkled his nose. “Besides, you owe me a pizza.”

“Oh, I do?” 

“Definitely,” Isak decided. “And I know a place.”

“You know I’ve lived here for most of my life, right?”

“Shut up, Even.”

 

\-----

 

They went upstairs with their food, sitting on the couches in the far corner. It wasn’t necessary - they were only two of around ten people on the floor - but it felt nicer like that, cosier. Even crossed one leg over the other, smiling at Isak as he accidentally tipped a bit of his coffee out.

“That was on purpose, right?” Even suggested, laughing when Isak nodded. He looked around, where the ceiling was low and bright, futuristic paintings covered the yellow wallpaper. It was a nice place, after all. “You’re so clumsy,” Even added fondly, looking back at him.

Isak snorted, chucking the wad of napkins that he’d used to clean up the mess to the side. “Thanks,” he said as he reached for his drink again. Then, after taking a sip, he raised his eyebrows at him expectantly. “So, uh, have you done anything since you got here?” he asked.

Even gave him a bemused smile. “I was meant to do other things than stalk you?” 

“Maybe,” Isak said, pulling a face. “But…” he began carefully. “How are you?”

_ How is the bipolar? _

“Good,” Even answered because it was true, London was good for him. But he must have said it aloud because then Isak was nodding and going, “Yeah, I mean, you wouldn’t have stayed there for three years if it wasn’t.”

Only, it hadn’t been all happiness and sunshine over there and he wanted -  _ needed  _ \- Isak to know that. As if all of the rambling emails - mania - and slurred phone calls - depression - hadn’t been enough and Isak wasn’t just being polite. He wanted him to know he’d been just as hurt as he was. Maybe to erase some of the guilt. Maybe to make him open up some more.

But as his mouth opened to speak, he knew he couldn’t. Isak, with all things considered, seemed to be in a good place. He was financially and romantically secure and, really, wasn’t that all young people looked for? He didn’t want to bring him down or stir up old feelings. Even if they weren’t so old for  _ him _ , stealing glances at the slope of Isak’s lightly freckled nose and dark, naturally-shaped eyebrows. Isak still owned him.

He must have been silent for too long because then Isak cleared his throat. 

“Are -” was all Isak managed to get out before his phone began to ring. Just like that, his face went blank and he scrambled to find it, nearly knocking over his cup for the second time. When he finally found it, Even noticed that it was a different one from the phone he’d given Even when they’d exchanged numbers, only a few days ago.

“Hello?” Isak said breathlessly, looking at Even once before quickly averting his eyes. He fidgeted, tearing a napkin into shreds with one hand, as whoever was on the other line kept talking to him. Then, his mouth formed a straight line and he nodded once, as if the person could see him. “Okay, yeah. I’ll be home soon. Sorry, baby, I just wanted to -”

Then, Isak pulled the phone away from his ear, blinking at it. “He hung up,” he said quietly, seeming shocked. 

Even furrowed his eyebrows. “Who did?” He thought to himself. “Andreas?”

Isak stood up. “Y-yeah, um…” He looked around aimlessly. “Look, I have to go. I forgot we had plans.”

“You said you were going to check with him about that,” Even said slowly, confused.

“I did, didn’t I?” Isak asked in a rush of breath. “Sorry. I - I have to go. I’ll call you.”

And then, before anything else could be said, he grabbed his coat and left.

Even stayed sitting there until their untouched pizza went cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the delay in writing, but I hope this chapter will make up for it. 
> 
> Next chapter will cover how Andreas and Isak met. 
> 
> Thank you for the feedback!

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be writing and posting this fic anonymously but please do still leave feedback as I will be reading it! <3


End file.
